On 4th August 2001 - and after a month of reading about the subject of Gender Dysphoria and the experiences of those who'd experienced it - I took three online gender tests to confirm whether I was indeed transsexual.
The first (the well known Moir-Jessel Brain Sex test) is fairly short and, as I discovered, easily biased. My initial score of 65 (well within the female range, which was a shock for a start!) shot up to 90 when I retook the test several weeks later and answered the questions a little more honestly.
The second one I took - the well known "COGIATI" test, is much less easily biased (unless you intentionally set out to beat it, of course). The the results it gave seemed to confirm what I feared - that I was indeed likely to be transsexual:
The COMBINED GENDER IDENTITY AND TRANSSEXUALITY INVENTORY ( COGIATI )
Your COGIATI result value is: 270 Which means that you fall
within the following category:
COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL
What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity
And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your
internal gender identity to be essentially feminine,
but with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very
possible that you are a candidate for a diagnosis of
You show a strong degree of gender dysphoria. At the
very least, further investigation should be
undertaken. Your COGIATI score places you among the
majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals, the
'late onset' tanssexual.
SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION:
Your situation is potentially serious and indicative of a probable inborn gender conflict. It is definitely recommended that you pursue further action.
The suggestions for your circumstance are several.
1. It is recommended that you seek help from a sympathetic counselor or professional about your gender issues. It is very possible that over time they will become increasingly difficult to cope with. Early determination of what you really need and want is vital. You need to determine if you truly are transsexual. Keep in mind, thought, that many alternatives exist other than complete sexual transformation. Partial transformation and many other way of existing are available. While you are very possibly a transsexual, COGIATI has determined that this is not absolutely certain. While time is an issue, being certain is more important. Proceed with investigation of your possible transsexuality or transgenderism, but with caution.
2. Some actions may help you to define your needs more clearly. Experimenting with living full time as a woman, taking hormones for a short time under supervision, or taking testosterone suppressers to observe how you feel are all viable options. Keep in mind that while it is very likely that you might be a transsexual, it is not certain. Do not take severe or permanent actions without long thought and the help of counselors and professionals.
3. Your gender issues are real, and should not be ignored. Neither should you rush into acting on them, however powerful they may feel. You do not fit the full criterion for the rarest classification, classic transsexuality, and so should be cautious, and open to possibilities. You may yet end up undergoing transition, and the path of the transsexual may well be your salvation. Be very careful, but do not ignore your issues.
4. If you have not already, consider joining any of
the thousands of groups devoted to gender expression
of various kinds. There is literally a world of
friends to discover who share your interests. There
are also publications, vacations, and activities
that would expand your gender expression.
Thank you for using the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory.
It is hard to describe in mere words how scared I felt after reading this. I knew in my heart it was right, and with that realisation came the knowledge that my family would be devastated if I sought treatment.
I managed to cope with the knowledge alone for several weeks, and then the real pain started. By the end of the year, I knew I had no choice but to transition and started making plans for my treatment.
Incidentally, I took the test again on 17th September with very similar results (270 the first time, 285 the second) so it seemed to be consistent, given comparable circumstances and honest answers. I now know the COGIATI classifies as follows:
to -389, COGIATI classification ONE, STANDARD MALE
Score: -390 to -129, COGIATI classification TWO, FEMININE MALE
Score: -130 to +129, COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE
Score: +130 to +389,COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL
Score: +390 to +650, COGIATI classification FIVE, TRANSSEXUAL
Even though with hindsight I can see that such tests are somewhat arbitrary and easily "gamed" (not to mention widely denegrated amongst trans people) I found them useful at the time. Your mileage may vary, but if you do want to try them the COGIATI test is available here.