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Monday 1st December - 17 days post-op

10:25am

It's already been a very busy day - and a very positive one for me. I feel wonderful right now! I was awoken at 6am by the sound of a text message arriving on my mobile...when it vibrated it's way off the bedside table and onto the floor...

I took two tramadol tablets to relieve the pain I felt when I awoke, set an alarm for 7am and promptly fell asleep again. When it went off, I reset it for 7:15am to give me a chance to wake up - and once the alarm went off again I shaved, washed and lay down to examine myself. I was happy to see that the swelling appeared to have gone down a little. After cleaning myself I took some pictures to document my progress, before applying betadine and dermazin cream as normal (very routine now). I'm happy to say that I haven't yet had to take any of the stronger painkillers Wannee brought me yesterday.

Wannee in the back garden of the clinic - it's beautiful!Kazzy and I breakfasted at 7:30am, and on the way back bumped into Wannee. While Kazzy returned to our room to rest, I walked with her to the clinic. We entered through the back gate this time and believe me the garden is absolutely stunning!

Once there I was taken to Dr. Suporn's office, and laid on the examination couch. Aey held my hand (she's a darling) and we chatted while we waited for Dr. Suporn. She told me her boyfriend loved the anklet I gave her, but she wasn't wearing it today because he'd bought her a new pair of shoes with straps around the ankles. She looked really happy and was wonderful to me as ever - as everyone here has been since I arrived.

When Dr. Suporn examined me he said that it looked like some of the haematoma has liquified and could be drained - and today! Aey took me upstairs to the operating room on the first floor - both of us removing our shoes before going up the stairs (there's a little sign in Thai script on the stairs asking you to do so). On the ceiling of the first floor is a beautiful wooden carving, in a similar style to the tables at the Thai restaurance in Canterbury I visited with Susie a few weeks ago.

Aey dressed me in a surgical gown, and then took me into the operating room. Although I'm not medically trained, it seemed very modern to me, and I felt perfectly at ease. I carefully climbed onto the padded table (which has a gap in the middle so that wounds can be examined from beneath if necessary) and lay down. I was covered in a green surgical cloth, and stirrups lifted into place on both sides of the table. I lifted my legs into them, where a nurse strapped them into place - presumably to stop me from flinching when the needle for the local anaesthetic was injected into my genitalia. I thought it would really hurt and I breathed deeply as Aey held me hand and reassured me. I closed my eyes and tried not to anticipate when the needle would be inserted.

Surprisingly, I barely felt the injection. They've been very gentle with me throughout - the immunisations I had back home before flying out here were far more painful. After a few minutes Dr. Suporn inserted a drain - a small plastic tube through which the blood could drain out. I was expecting a tube connected to a bottle, or for the blood to be withdrawn by syringe - but I can now see that this makes more sense.

That's practical because the blood from the haematoma comes out slowly enough to be absorbed by a sanitary towel in my panties, or by an incontinence pad while I'm in bed. I'm fairly mobile, and already the swelling in my labia minora is evening out so both left and right sides are pretty much the same size - although both are still badly swollen the swelling is reducing significantly. While in the operating room I was told that I would need an antibiotic injection each day for the next few days, and that the drain would come out on Thursday. After that, the haematoma will have to heal naturally - which I'm told could take up to 6 months.

It's good to have the legs to wear a mini again!After dressing Aey and I came back downstairs to Dr. Suporn's office, and Aoi (Dr. Suporn's wife) gave me the antibiotic injection.

Aoi and I talked for a short while afterwards, and I showed her the (now very nearly full) notebook containing the diary I've transcribed here and told her what I was doing on this site. Shortly afterwards she came out with a new notebook for me - bearing the legend "Hoping your wish come true" and then hugged me - a wonderful gesture, and one I truly appreciate. It's the first time we've talked, and she's as wonderful as the rest.

I stayed at the clinic for a while afterwards, relaxing, sipping a glass of water. and chatting to Freeda. She's doing a lot to help girls seeking treatment back in Israel, and has even had a book published in Hebrew about the journey she's undertaken. I met three other girls at the clinic too, and we exchanged greetings.

When I left the clinic I did so alone, and in a state of euphoria. The short walk back to the hotel was a very pleasant experience, made even better by the fact big smile and wonderful greeting from one of the female staff members who was hosing down the ground of the Terrace Bar, and the attendant on the front door who held it open for me and said I "looked sexy" (I epilated my legs last night for the first time since leaving the UK, and wore one of the miniskirts Kazzy bought me the other day).

Breakfast at the hotel finishes at 10am (just after I got back) and several of the girls were breakfasting when I arrived. I told them what had happened and they all remarked about how much happier I looked.

When I reached the 3rd floor Wannee was there, gave me a big hug and accompanied me back to my room. I told her what had happened and showed her the antibiotic which I'm to be injected with every day for the next few days.

When we got back to the room Kazzy was resting, but gave me a huge hug when I told her what had happened. I hope that by the time the drain comes out on Thursday the swelling will have reduced substantially.

Time is running out, as we fly back to the UK on 11th December - leaving Chonburi for Bangkok the day before. That's only 9 days away, and I hope my body can heal significantly before then. Rest helps, so I'm significantly less active than I was just a few days ago. I'm disappointed not to have been able to get out and do some sightseeing or shopping, but maybe I'll manage that next week if I'm feeling better.

12:30pm

I'm dilating again. I started at 11am (15 minutes late), but today I was rather tight - and it was pretty uncomfortable. With the drain inserted I'm losing blood of course - messy, but already the swelling in my labia minora is reducing and both sides are now about the same size. I can touch them without feeling intense pain at the moment, which is probably down to the local anaesthetic, at least in part.

However after a few minutes I could feel my bowel moving slightly, and had to break my dilation to go to the toilet. As a result of that and the tightness I'm extending it to 1:30pm. My depth is still 7".

1pm

Ulli has just visited so that I could fix a problem on her laptop. Doing so on a machine configured entirely in German was an interesting challenge, but I managed it quickly enough - and recalled a little of my very limited German language training in the meantime. I found the whole experience rather hilarious as with all the menus being in German I found myself asking her questions in very broken German ("Das ist Find/Replace, Ja?") as a result...

2:45pm

Ouch. The pain's hit with with a vengence. I can feel the drain - and it's an unpleasant feeling. For the first time I've taken one of the tablets Wannee brought yesterday (voltarol 25mg) - and it feels like it works fast - I can feel the sensation in my legs fading slightly as it works towards my genitalia. I was given 20 of the tablets (probably a good thing as they feel pretty strong) together with a larger bag of Cimetidine 400 tablets (to prevent stomach upset I believe - presumably a side effect of the voltarol). I'll take one of those too this first time just in case.

I hope they'll put me to sleep, so I won't take any diazapan to help in that. I'm feeling slightly light headed already, and only 5 minutes have elapsed since I took the pill. Odd.

5pm

Fai has just visited - and helped enormously. While she was here Susie txted my mobile to say that voltarol is more of an ant-inflammatory than an analgesic (painkiller) - which Fai confirmed, and said that I should take the voltarol regularly as a course of 10, and use tramadol to control the pain. I took two tramadol immediately, and it is helping - the company helped too though!

While she was here we talked about singing and favourite songs...I demonstrated some of the tricks I can play with my voice (very/ funny voices!) and we played a few favourites and sang along - she's convinced she's tone deaf, but just needs someone to follow (as most of us do - including me!). I also showed her the collection of DVDs I've brought with me, including my favourite "What Dreams May Come" and "Dogma" - from which I played the very funny scene where the Metatron (the Voice of God, played perfectly by Alan Rickman in his own deadpan style) appears in a column of flame in the bedroom of Bethany (a lapsing Roman Catholic, and the last Scion of our Lord Jesus Christ) puts out the flames with a fire extinguisher. It's a very, very funny movie and Fai now says she wants to rent it out and watch it...

I also showed her a passage from the Bible (in 1 Corinthians 13, verses 4 and 5) about the gift of love. It's one that's close to my heart right now (believe it or not, I heard a reference to it in a music video on VH-1!), and relevant to all cultures and Faiths.

6:51pm

I'm getting drowsy, and the pain's coming back. Some more blood has drained, but I suspect the biggest changes will happen tonight. I intend to dilate at 10pm, but first I'm going to doze before ordering something to eat - this morning has worn me out, and the pain has kept me awake until now. I suspect for the next few days I'll be downing a fair number of tramadol capsules, and possibly even needing a voltarol shot or two. We'll see - but I am healing - that much is now so obvious.

 

Tuesday 2nd December - 18 days post-op

10:04am

Last night I didn't get much chance to rest as it turned out as I had visitors - Freeda and Susan came to our room, and we chatted for quite a while! They're special people, and both good friends now.

I dilated from 10pm to 12:30am as the skin graft is thickening and it's getting noticeably harder to reach depth - but I'm still managing it. I won't give up on that - and my confidence has now risen a lot. While dilating I wrote replies to most of the many emails I've received over the last few days - which I sent after I'd finished as the cable from the phone socket is on the wrong side of the room and it won't reach to my bed.

I have to say that I'm getting a bit sick of missing dinner and ordering from the rather restricted room service menu. They put way too much salt on many of the dishes, which certainly doesn't help.

I slept very well last night, not waking until 8am. A quick shave and wash and I cleaned myself - and during the night the swelling had gone down considerably and I'm noticeably less swollen this morning. While we were down for breakfast Wannee arrived and headed for the lift, and we waved at each other. Aey called me while at breakfast and told me that the dress fittings for Kazzy, Brandy and I would be at 11:30am - while I'm due to be dilating. I decided I'd start immediately after breakfast to make it practical.

What a compliment! I'm not used to this at all, but I do like it.While down for breakfast I had a lovely surprise when one of the male attendants sent me a rose (via one of his female colleagues - presumably he was too shy to bring it to me himself!). I'm not certain, but it might have been the same guy that called me a "sexy lady" yesterday!

When I went back to my room the key wouldn't open the door (it happens occasionally here) so back to reception I went to get it reprogrammed. As went back to the lift one of the girls who was registering and greeting those heading down for breakfast asked me if I was checking out today . I told her I was here until next Wednesday, but that I'd be returning in January. She smiled, and told me she thought I was beautiful.

That was such a sweet thing to say, and together with the compliment from the male attendant yesterday and the rose this morning my confidence is sky high right now!

No matter how we all look though, beauty comes from the heart. A beautiful face is shallow and worthless without an open and welcoming heart to match. That's one big lesson I've certainly learnt on my journey!

Actually Fai explained a little of it to me the other day. Thai women aspire to pale skin in the same way as European women like to be tanned. Pale skin is a sign of beauty here, and western women are considered attractive and exotic here in the same way as oriental women are back home. I still went back upstairs with a huge grin on my face though!

Shortly before I was due to dilate Wannee came to my room to give me my antibiotic injection and check on my progress. They are so gentle with needles here - not at all what I expected. She could see a big difference in my swelling, and told me that the scars on the inside of my thighs are healing very well, and it's visible that new skin is growing at my vaginal opening - which confirms what I can feel now. The dead skin is coming away quite well (the dermazin assists greatly in that) and there are no signs of any infection (Betadine is very good at preventing that (do all surgeons in the UK use it I wonder? Infection post-op seems more common with Bellringer at least).

Wannee also told me that she'd noticed that I was a very clean person and I was looking after myself well. I feel good, although my appetite has declined significantly so I'm sure I've lost a fair bit of weight. I am however eating lots of fruit and drinking much more fruit juice than usual, which can't do anything but good. My figure is noticeably better right now (losing just a few pounds has been an objective for some time), although I've lost a fair bit of breast development while off hormones. That'll come back once I'm back in the UK, I'm sure.

When I first arrived here I was lacking in confidence in my ability to do everything right and look after myself properly - but that's well and truly past now. I know exactly what to do, and how my body should feel at this stage.

11:06am

With Wannee's visit this morning I didn't start my dilation until 9:45am, so I'm planning to cut the duration to 1¾ hours to give me time to clean myself and get to the clinic in time to have my dress fitting. Provided I'm not too tight and I reach depth in a reasonable time, that should be sufficient particularly if I do a shorter (say 1 hour) session later this afternoon.

Fai has just left and is as lovely as ever. We've exchanged email and IM addresses so we can stay in touch.

I also showed her some pictures from my reenactment past....which reminds me - I've heard that vitamin supplements containing calcium should be discontinued prior to FFS (after which inflammation of the bones is likely, and excess calcium can cause bone spurs can form after surgery - removing them is not pleasant), so I must remember to ask Dr. Suporn about it. I also feel it's wise to discuss my plans for the next couple of years with him, particularly if I do indeed go back onto the re-enactment circuit. If I do so next  year (July at the earliest - probably at Tewkesbury).

The Tudor Household drilling at St. Albans way back in (I think) 1994...I'm in there somewhere!

I certainly won't be fighting next year...that would be particularly foolish after undergoing such major medical procedures so recently. However, the following year my GRS would will have healed almost totally (although the nerves can take quite some time to sort themselves out fully - up to around two years I believe), but I do need to talk to him about the thickness of bone in my face following FFS and what will be sensible. I haven't come through all this to endanger myself.

10:30pm

A great deal has happened since breakfast. - and I'm pleased to say that it's all positive. Although I planned to cut my dilation slightly short, I actually finished it on time at 11:45am, and by 11:55am I was on my way to the clinic, where my new dress was waiting for me - a gorgeous off the shoulder floor length number in red Thai silk with a diagonal band of sequins on the front.

The description doesn't do it justice - but the pictures do! Kazzy took several photos in the garden, of which the one on my left is my personal favourite. I felt so wonderfully feminine!

I also had my picture taken inside the clinic with Fai and Aoi (Dr. Suporn's wife), although my smile doesn't show as well on that one. I think my timing was a little off!

The dress I had tailormade by Aey's friend the dressmaker. Isn't it goegeous?Fai and Aoi with me during my dress fitting. I wish my smile had shown better though!

The dress cost me 3,200 Baht (about £50), which for a Westerner is a bargain for a handmade dress - however Thai wages are much lower and there's so much poverty here if you just open your eyes and look around. Not all western influences are good, that's for certain.

Both mine and Kazzy's dresses (hers is her own design so she's particularly proud of it!) need some minor alterations before they're ready. The hemline on mine is a little too long and as it is I'm likely to trip over it (I'm not that tall for a Western Trans woman - only 5' 7"). and some extra slack around the bust would be useful as I've lost some development while off hormones (about a cup size - I've dropped from a 36B to a 36A) and am still growing slowly. Once I'm back on HRT, that trend should gradually reverse - and I want to be able to fit into that dress without having to have it modified in any way - particularly since matching the material would be so difficult.

We'll probably pick up both dresses at my final check-up before departure - which should be Tuesday (when I believe I'll have another new experience - my first gynaecological examination. Somehow, after having an injection directly into my genitals on Monday the prospect doesn't seem so daunting.

Speaking of which, the swelling has gone down more, and with it the pain I was feeling from the drain which was absolutely agonising yesterday afternoon after the local wore off.

Aey and Brandy at the clinic. Big smiles as always!After changing back I stayed and chatted with Freeda and Kim (who's staying in the room next door at the moment) for a while before heading back to the hotel room. After checking my emails and posting a handful of messages I dozed (probably for two hours or so) until Susan came to visit later. Our conversation was wide ranging and deep - we talked a great deal about Faith and culture, and at times tears flowed from my eyes.

Tonight I felt strong enough to eat with the others at the Japanese Restaurant, which was a welcome relief from the limited selection available from room service.

After dinner I came back to dilate once again. That's now just mere routine, but tonight I struggled at first until I realised that my bowel was full. A cup of coffee and a 5 minute break soon sorted that out though, and when I restarted  at 10:30pm, I reached my full 7" depth very quickly. Once there I did my usual trick of placing a folded pad between my legs at the end of my stent (to cushion it from knocks), gripping a bottle of water with my thighs and pushing down on the stent with my hips until I feel the intense pressure that tells me I'm at full depth. That way I can maintain pressure on the stent while keeping my hands free. The pressure from the stent is an odd and uncomfortable feeling, but you get used to it quickly and generally it's not painful.

Now, I can kneel, roll or even walk a little with the stent in place - provided I maintain the pressure with one hand and am very careful about posture. That's something I didn't expect to happen until much later.

With the break I took I'll dilate until 12:30am. I need to rest tomorrow as plans are afoot for a night out! I do hope I'll be strong enough - and if more of the haematoma drains overnight that can only help.

 

Thursday 4th December - 20 days post-op

12:30am

I'm approaching the end of my evening dilation, and thought it was about time I wrote about the events of yesterday, and what will be happening later today.

8:17pm

Aey took this pic of us all posing outside the clinic before heading off to the bar. The flash on my camera is pretty powerful - it was actually dark!

One good nutcase deserves another...

Yesterday was largely a rest day for me, to prepare myself for a night out to mark Ulli's last night here - I believe she flies back to Austria on Friday. Kazzy and I wore our new dresses, and we met at the clinic, passing an elephant - complete with (literally!) a tail light - on the pavement on the way.

I found it rather difficult to walk in my dress - ideally I would have preferred a side split but it's apparently not practical with the material. Once I'm steadier on my feet I'll get used to it - but I would find it hard to dance in. I'm a little too enthusiastic when I get started!

Aey took us to a local karaoke bar, but I just couldn't relax enough to enjoy the experience. As well as being uncomfortable sitting, the bar was deserted and I just couldn't feel any real atmosphere. It didn't help that the music just wasn't to my taste - the tracks were all covers with just synthesizer music and vocals sung incredibly slowly by (usually) a man with no vocal range.

Although I can sing reasonably well and convincingly, I follow female singers better, especially if the track has pace and a good range in pitch. For example Madhouse's version of Madonna's "Like A Prayer" was one of the first tracks I found I could sing convincingly, and now provided I know the lyrics I can follow quite a few female artists (e.g. Atomic Kitten, Evanescence, Sugababes, Christina Agilera, Blondie...) quite well. I told Aey that if she ever visited the UK I'll take her to the Dungeon in Southampton (a rock venue) so she can see what I can really do!

There was nothing that remotely interested me available, which meant I felt the discomfort in my body from sitting for over 2 hours even more. Eventually I started feeling lightheaded, and had to lie down. Ice was pressed against my forehead to cool me down, and eventually I was walked back to the hotel by Freeda, bless her. I would have had to leave soon enough to dilate anyway.

Later I showed a little of what I can do using CDs from my collection I've copied onto my laptop. That was much more fun!

The drain inserted on Monday comes out later today. I did wonder whether leaving it inserted until Monday might be sensible, but on Wednesday there was little visible improvement so maybe it wouldn't help anyway. I expect to be in the first floor theatre again. They're so gentle here with needles that I'm not scared by that prospect though. Even having a needle inserted into my genitalia barely hurts. Amazing.

I am still concerned about one of my labia minora however. Beneath the surface tissue (some of which is slowly sloughing away) I wonder whether the haematoma is restricting the blood supply to parts of the underlying tissue. The worst case is that I could lose part of one of my labia - although a (less sensate) skin graft could be used to even it out later. At least so far I've had no problems with stitches, and with my FFS in January any follow up work which proves to be necessary will be done by the clinic at no cost - provided (I assume) that hospitalisation is not required (and I've not heard of that happening for a Suporn patient).

On Friday the clinic is closed as it's a national holiday to mark the King of Thailand's birthday. I have everything I need and am not in too much pain as long as I rest, so at the moment I'm not concerned.

11:05am

I'm dilating again (ain't that a surprise?), so this is once again a good time to catch up on my diary. After the upset I felt last night, at least I've got some good news now though. Over the past few days I've noticed a steady reduction in the tissue sloughing out of my vagina, to the point now where when I withdraw the stent after a dilation session there's very little sign of dead tissue on it, which confirms that the skin graft is healing (and therefore thickening). That does however make dilation harder and less comfortable (particularly at the start of a session), and I'm still concerned about the 20 hour gap I'm likely to have to endure between dilations because of the flight home. Although I've been told not to worry about it by both Dr. Suporn and Wannee, I intend to talk to friends to get some idea of what I'm letting myself in for, particularly as I seem to be healing quickly now.

This morning I went to the clinic (following an antibiotic injection by Wannee) to have the drain removed. However, rather than performing the removal in the operating room as I expected, Dr Suporn did so in one of the consultation rooms in the clinic - and without an anaesthetic this time. It hurt a great deal (albeit briefly) and that came as a bit of a shock. At least it was over quickly.

He says that the haematoma has now gone (woohoo!) but that significant swelling remains as a result of it - both in the labia minora (from where I feel most pain) and (particularly) over the nerve bundle under the pubis mons. I'm still very tender, although the removal of the drain should reduce the pain a bit. The swelling should go down naturally, but it could be a slow process and contributes to my nervousness about being able to sit for the length of time required for the flight home.

He also attempted to probe between my labia minora with tweezers, and I nearly hit the roof! It was very uncomfortable (probably because I'm so sensate) and he was so apologetic afterwards...

After dilation I intend to sleep, as last night's excursion wore me out and this morning I was feeling very tender as a result. My appetite has also decreased greatly during my stay here, probably in part due to the amount of rest I've been forced to take, and the fact that I'm used to a very different regime at home - I tend to eat a very light meal at lunchtime (often sandwiches, which you can't really get here). I've regularly skipped lunch completely, or just eaten fruit - and on the few occasions when I have had a meal at lunchtime, I've not been hungry in the evening.

Onto a more intriguing subject now (at least for me!). I've now realised that the so called " involuntary contractions of the PC muscle" I experienced while in hospital were actually symptoms of sexual arousal! Now that the haematoma is gone and the labia a little softer inside, I've discovered that I can make my clitoris twitch - and when it runs against the inside of the clitoral hood it can be rather pleasant at times...in fact I feel a bit of a warm glow in that area right now.

The muscle that controls it is exactly the same one that I used to be able to use to move the penis, and feels very distinct from the PC muscle which I can now use to clamp down on my vagina (which I can feel applying pressure to the stent right now).

From what I've heard, orgasmic response with Suporn patients normally begins at 9 to 11 weeks post op. I wonder when it will happen for me?

My control of the muscles around the urethra is improving too. I can now regulate my urination quite well now - even stopping mid flow! It certainly feels different though - the old male way of relaxing the muscle (which feels like pushing) no longer works, and has been replaced by something much more subtle. If my bladder is full it can get rather uncomfortable, but pressing on the lower abdomen when urinating helps to let it out.

All in all, I'm content - although uncomfortable with being so immobile and not being able to do what I've wanted to - I've not had any opportunity to buy gifts for friends for example, and that hurts. Although I really love the people here, I'm really missing my friends now, and despite the weather at home now being so awful, I am ready to go backI badly need to get some electrolysis arranged too - I've a lot more stubble regrowth on my face than I anticipated and it's beginning to get to me.

11:30pm

After coming back from the clinic this morning and dilating I just crashed out. Talk about being exhausted! However, around 2pm Wannee turned up unexpectedly and asked if I felt up to a trip out. Although I was nervous after the discomfort I've been feeling, but to be honest I was totally fed up with staying in the hotel, and once I woke up a little I realised that after the removal of the drain I'm significantly more comfortable.

After dressing, Sue Kazzy and I met Wannee in the lobby of the hotel, and she drove us to the outskirts of Chonburi. I was surprised to find that this time I was comfortable with the car journey - my last experience (on the way from the hospital to the hotel) was very uncomfortable. A huge improvement!

We were able to see a little glimpse of the beauty that Thailand has to offer once you get away from the cities. If you've seen the pictures we took from the hospital balcony, you'll know that Chonburi is on the coast - but until today we've not been anywhere near the sea...and that was the first thing we encountered once we got out of the city. You just don't realise how many smells you get used to in a city until you go somewhere with clean air!

The sea at last! A real breath of fresh air...Kazzy and Wannee by the sea

Not far away is a shrine dedicated to the memory of a young girl who - after being forbidden from seeing the man she loved - jumped to her death from the cliff above many years ago. It's a familiar story in many cultures, but always a tragic one.

Before leaving on this trip Wannee had said something about monkeys. As we drove a little further we saw them everywhere - but mostly on the road! They certainly aren't wary of people either...which isn't surprising since as soon as we stepped out of the car several Thai men selling baskets of bananas appeared.

The tragic cliffThese guys ain't shy...

 We also visited a Chinese temple in the area. It's an absolutely stunning place, but I was surprised that I couldn't feel God's presence there in the same way I so often do. Although I didn't get the opportunity to visit the Buddhist Temple Wannee took Kazzy and Toni to see earlier in our stay, I suspect that there I would have felt the presence I know so well now - as indeed I did at the shrine at the bottom of the cliff.

The Chinese Temple we visited just outside Chonburi

Kazzy, me and Susan at the Chinese temple

All too soon it was time to come back to the hotel. By then I was pretty sore, and crashed again. At 7pm we dined in the Chinese Restaurant with Brandy, Luke and Freeda. Brandy and Luke leave on Friday morning, and Ulli on Friday evening...it's going to be so quiet here over the weekend.

Although our flight leaves on Thursday afternoon, we're leaving for Bangkok on Tuesday, which gives us a day to look around. We'll both be so sad to leave here, but glad to see friends back home again.

While I'm on that subject, Susie rang this morning and assured me that skipping a dilation for the flight back is not a real problem. Although I'm still nervous about it, that's reassuring. It'll certainly be good to see her and everyone else again, and although I'll miss my new friends here, at least I'll see them again when I return in January. Unfortunately Kazzy isn't coming with me on that trip, and I expect that will feel a bit lonely and strange. She's truly been my angel on this trip, and I honestly don't know how I could have managed without her.

My final checkup at the clinic (and first internal examination) is on Monday afternoon. I'm no longer bleeding, and looking at the pictures I've taken of my new anatomy, I can see a very noticeable improvement even over the last four days. The drain has really made a difference.

Finally, when I get back home in January I'll pop into work briefly to say hi to everybody. I don't know what I'm going to wear yet, but believe me it'll not be my usual work attire and probably rather distinctive!
 

Friday 5th December - 21 days post-op

4:57pm

After yesterday's expedition I was exhausted this morning (despite the efforts of a can of Red Bull Extra!). It probably didn't help that I was really wide awake when I got back (adrenalin!) and ended up sitting up until 4am chatting to friends online. I was feeling a bit homesick too, which didn't help.

Not surprisingly, this morning after breakfast I crashed out - awakening some time later to do my dilation. While I was showering afterwards Wannee arrived unexpectedly to give me an antibiotic injection. Kazzy was also given one as she'd developed a small infection from a mosquito bite.

I'm pleased to say that my pussy is healing much faster now - the difference between now and a few days ago is remarkable, although I'm still swollen and tender. I'm no longer bleeding from my vagina, but losing what can only be described as "mucus", which I think is a sign of the next stage of healing. We'll see.
 

Sunday 7th December - 23 days post-op

12:16am

I'm getting more mobile, and the swelling is reducing further. Yesterday morning I had a new experience - there's a shop on the corner of the road that leads to the Mercure Hotel which does makeovers and fashion photography. At 9am yesterday morning (having booked the day before) we went along and I have to say that although I was initially reluctant (lack of self confidence I guess, but Kazzy persuaded me) it was one of the most remarkable experiences of my life (actually, I have done one before - but as a male, and that's nowhere near as much fun!).

Me dilating in bed just after the photoshoot...still wearing full make up!I've always enjoyed being pampered, so the experience was pure ecstasy, and as I sat in the chair and watched my face and hair being transformed I felt what I can only describe as a sense of sheer elation and wonderment. I never dared dream I could look that good! The whole thing took quite a while, and by the time my shoot was over and it was Kazzy's turn I was feeling quite weak. Fortunately there was a couch I could lie down on and rest - something I badly needed to do.

I needed to dilate, so we returned to the hotel shortly afterwards, going back to the studio a couple of hours later as promised to choose the pictures we wanted to take (I had to cut my dilation short by half an hour to make it possible to return so soon, so in the evening I extended it to compensate for that).

For 1500 Baht each we could select two different prints - one 10" x 12", and one 8" x 10", together with a 4" x 5" copy of each. We've also asked for several of the prints to be put onto a CD (which costs 400 Baht per image). Compared to the cost of doing that in the UK, I think it's an absolute bargain. We can pick up the prints on Monday afternoon at 6pm, and I can't wait! When I get the CD I'm thinking of being a little cheeky and sending an email to work to say I've got a new pic for my security pass...

I was hoping to do some shopping, afterwards, but in the event was far too weak and we went back to the hotel at 4pm and crashed out, not waking until 8:30pm. Rather than eat hotel food again we ordered in pizza! We did think it was a little cheeky of the hotel to charge us 50 Baht for showing the delivery guy where our room was though - next time we'll pick it up in reception. It was a lovely treat, but I did struggle - my appetite has declined so much.

At about 11pm (4pm UK time) I tried to ring my kids as ordered by the Court. My ex-wife answered, but then put the phone down as soon as I said hello. I rang again, but no one answered - not a surprise I'm afraid.

Finally, I've just had a long chat on the phone with Susie. She's been feeling rather low over the last few days and rather than just emailing or txting her, I wanted to be able to chat to her direct. It was wonderful to hear her surprise when she realised it was me and listen to her cheer up noticeably as we talked. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again on Thursday -that's not too far away now!

3:50pm

It's about time I indulged myself...I've been good up until now...The air conditioning in the hotel isn't working too well this afternoon and the temperature here is steadily climbing. We're waiting for Wannee to come to give me my daily antibiotic jab, so I've been passing the time by writing some updates for my website and doing a 3 hour dilation. Susan dropped in while I was "at it" which passed the time rather well.

Kazzy's feeling quite low at the moment, and we're both a bit fed up and looking forward to going home. My final check-up is tomorrow afternoon at 5pm, and after that we can pick up the piccies from the photoshoot!

11pm

Tonight at dinner we were in the mood to celebrate, and decided to try the cocktails in the Terrace Restaurant. Yummy!

On the way to the restaurant we ambushed a couple of the male staff and persuaded them to pose for photos with us in the foyer. We were just in that sort of mood I guess - and remember, one of them did send me a rose a few days ago...


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