Journal

Welcome to my online journal, which I started in December 2002 after several very persuasive hints from friends. Although I obviously don't write about everything that happens in my life here, I hope it'll provide an insight into who I am and what's happening in my life - whether good, bad, happy or sad.

Epithany?

Posted by Anna at 19:43 on Sunday, March 25, 2007
Something changed for me in Church today. I'm not quite sure what, but I have an idea. If I'm right, it's a good thing.

A bit of background. Over the past few weeks I've been attending a membership/community building classes at my church (MCC Bournemouth). The last one was this afternoon, and as a direct result I should be formally accepted into membership on Easter Sunday. That's something I'm looking forward to immensely, marking as it does the start of the next stage in my spiritual journey and in my commitment to Christ. It also carries far greater responsibilities within the Church - something I now feel I am ready for.

This morning's service specifically commemorated the abolition of slavery in Britain 200 years ago. As such, it was a very moving service (even more so than usual, and that's saying something!) and one which reminded us how many people worldwide are - even now - still subject to such barbarism. You'd have thought our species would have learnt by now, but apparently not.

Revd. Debbie Gaston from MCC Brighton was visiting us, and gave a very moving sermon. It was really good to see her and our pastor Dwayne worshipping together.

Towards the end of the service we sang "Amazing Grace" and I began to feel an outpouring of emotion far stronger than anything I've ever felt before. I didn't feel upset - far from it - but no mattr how hard I tried I couldn't contain it and within seconds tears were literally gushing down my cheeks. Despite that, I didn't feel like I wanted to cry - this was not an outpouring of grief but more (I think) a release of pent up emotion. It was so strong that I had to leave the service just before the end (even though they were singing my favourite hymn!).

After the service one of my friends came to sit with me and asked me if I was alright. By then I had figured out a part of what had happened and was able to assure her that I was OK.

So what happened, exactly? To put it simply, I think I've just let go of a lot of pain I've been carrying around for a long time.

Although I will always miss my children and my birth family (I light candles for them every Sunday, and I'm not about to stop doing that), I think (hope?) that I've now left the worst of the pain and the associated negative emotions behind. That's why I've titled this post "Epithany?".

I am truly a new creation

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